Now that there is funny . .

Every so often I get some pretty hokey emails with Redneck undertones. Some are really funny, some are really stupid. This latest is a combo of both, but you know sometimes it really tells it like it is, some people are just on such a high horse about themselves. It kind of puts things into a basic perspective when things were so much simpler. Enjoy!

The Rules of Oregon, Idaho, Washington, and the 'Wild West' are as follows:

• Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
• Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
• Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
• They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 and I-84 go east and west, I-5 goes north and south. Pick one.
• So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
• Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
• If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
• Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar you can get them at the bait store on the corner.
• The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
• We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
• No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
• When we fill our table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads, We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
• You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair..
• College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and more fun to watch.
• Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
• Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, Community Colleges and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
• We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than all of you put together, so don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get whipped! by the best.
• Turn down that stupid car stereo! That thumpity-thump junk ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1
• Have a nice day with a wave!